Where has my life gone?

The complete ramblings of a small town girl.

Thursday, June 30, 2005

Help. I'm Melting!

I heard someone say the other day "Southern girls are cute. They always look dewey."

WTF. We are not dewey. We are freaking melting. It is 99 Degrees with 110% Humidity. That is not dew you see on my face - that is my face slowly dripping away.

I don't care how freakin full of Southern Grace you are - it all starts to melt out of you starting in June and it doesn't stop until, oh I don't know, 1 or 2 days(at least) in January. Christ it is Hot, Humid and Steamy lately.

Call me Chicken Little
It is Steamy because we are in the "Rainy Season". By rainy season I mean the sky freakin falls every damn afternoon. I am not talking a nice gentle rain here - we are talking go build an arc so you can get to the post office before the last pick-up of the day without drowning on the way.

Oh, and on top of the "end of the world flooding rain", we have lightning. The kind that makes the hair stand up on your arms. The kind that keeps you from making calls because you are afraid you will be fried while gossiping about what so-and so's Momma was wearing in the SuperMarket last night.

Of course because I have a long weekend(4 Glorious Days Away From The Office) it will rain all day, every day on my time off. Then on Tuesday I will come back to work and it will be all sunshine.

NOTE: HA HA. When I did spell check it kept trying to replace Freakin with Foreskin.

Mmmmm. Food.

If you live in FL, or any where near FL, you should stop in and eat at my friends restaurant, Po' Boys. The food is good, the people are friendly, and they are Gator Fans. It doesn't get any better than that.

Tuesday, June 28, 2005

It's stuck where?

This was an actual conversation between Mark and I. It took place on my cell speaker phone with my friend Laura in the car with me.

Me: Hello
Mark: Um, there's a problem
Me: What?
Mark: There's something wrong with your dog
Me: Oh My God - which one?
Mark: Opie
Me: Well what's wrong?
Mark: Um, not sure how to put this......

Silence

Me:(very concerned that my dog might be dead)

Mark:His thing is stuck.
Me: What thing?
Mark: You know "his" thing
Me: Oh. Um...where is it stuck?
Mark: It is stuck out. And it won't go back in - and he is whining and biting at it.

I am going to stop the conversation at this point to let ya'll know that it sounded like Mark was cringing over the phone. It was almost as if something was wrong with Mark's thing.

Me: Well help him.
Mark: What the hell am I supposed to do?

Laura: (Laughing Hysterically) Put ice on it.
Mark: That's not funny.
Me: (Now laughing my ass off) Well what do you want me to do about it?
Mark: Come home and help

At this point I was laughing so hard I couldn't even talk. Laura was laughing. And Mark was not happy with either of us.

And as for poor Opie. By the time I got home his thing was unstuck(all on it's own) and he seems to be fine.

Monday, June 27, 2005

Shop til you drop

Well, you can't shop on it just yet. But you will be able to very, very soon.

I added a link to my friend Sean's store Sugarcreek over there on the sidebar. See - right over there. Now go click on it and visit his site - but be sure to come back to mine eventually.

This is the part where I rant and rave about what a fabulous store it is. It is FABULOUS ya'll. And I am not bias at all. Nope, not me.

Stuck in my head

I have had this song stuck in my head for a week now. It doesn't help that they play it on the radio about every 10 seconds.

Let me hear you say this shit is bananas
B-A-N-A-N-A-S
(This shit is bananas)
(B-A-N-A-N-A-S)

It's Perfect
Mark and I went furniture shopping this weekend. I HATE furniture shopping. If I like the style of the couch it doesn't come in a color I like, If I like the color the style sucks. It is a never ending cycle of torture.

BUT - I think we may have found the couch. It is comfy, pretty, the color is perfect, the fabric is perfect, the price is perfect - now we just have to measure and see if it will fit in the living room. Wish me luck - because I am not sure Mark and I will survive furniture shopping with each other.

Wednesday, June 22, 2005

It's Your Birthday!


No, Not you........Her

HAPPY BIRTHDAY LAURIE!

Hope your Birthday is as fabulous as you are.

And now a song, sung slightly off key by me.

Happy Birthday to You.
Happy Birthday to you.
You look like a monkey.
And you smell like one too!
(actually you smell a bit like whiskey and cheetos)

Tuesday, June 21, 2005

Rug Rats & Question #2

No - this is not a post about how I need to vacuum my carpet because it is being taken over by furry animals. Though at some point I really should vacuum my carpet.

I get asked two questions on a regular basis.
#1 -When are you getting married?
#2 - When are you going to have kids?

Marks mom has actually started asking question #2 and just skipping right over question #1. It makes for interesting family dinners.

The answer to both is Never. I don't want kids. It is not because I hate them - they actually are quite fun. In very. short. doses. Very short.

You see, I am selfish. but it is OK, because I know I am and because of that I have chosen not to bring children into my life. I want to shop for ME, I want to stay out until the wee hours, I want to be able to be spontaneous. None of which is an option if you have kids. My dogs even slow me down more than I would like.

I love my nieces and my friends kids(to which I am an honorary Aunt). And I spoil the hell out of all of them - then send them on home! It is the best of both worlds - I am kid free - but can borrow them whenever I get the whim. The kids love me - because I buy them presents and feed them unbelievable amounts of sugar :)

So the next time you see me - don't ask question #1 or #2. As for question #1 - that is a discussion that requires its own post.

Friday, June 17, 2005

Friday Afternoon Rambling

I should be working - but I am having a very hard time concentrating. It is Friday - and I have soo many better things I could be doing than working. I could be at the beach, shopping, baking cookies for my dogs, shopping, getting my hair colored, shopping. You get the picture. But instead I am at work. Working on Sales Projections. I hate numbers and the math. I much prefer surfing the internet for adorable clothes for my dogs.

Happy, Happy Birthday
Happy Birthday to Laurie and Sean! May you both gets lots of fabulous presents.

My Bday is coming up soon. I will be 25..............again. Getting so close to 30 it is scary. I think I will just stay 25 forever!

My 5 year anniversary at work is July 5th. Wow. This is the longest I have ever had a job. Of course I am not really old enough to have held a job for too many years.

When I first came to work here we had interns older than me - not so anymore. They are all definitely younger than me. It is sad. I think I will just go cry in the corner while stroking my chin hair.

Lazy Owner
My dogs are pissed at me for not making the great cookie recipe that Minou shared. To make it up to them I will bake them this weekend. I also want to go to Target and get them each a new outfit. They adore being dressed up. They are so damn cute. Abbey's case of Baboon Ass is finally starting to clear up, the hair is slowly starting to grow back.

Alright - I better get back to work before the Boss realizes I am wasting valuable company time(Ha Ha just kidding Larry - I am hard at work over here).

Wednesday, June 15, 2005

Wooohooo. A Party.

Laurie worries about her party, I am practically bouncing up and down excited about mine.

OK. So it is not exactly my party. I am on the Main Street Board. And every year we have this huge fund-raiser. The fund-raiser is a raffle incorporated into a great party atmosphere. There is food, drink(lots and lots of drink) money, games, auctions, prizes, music and so much more!

And the best part. I am chairing it for the 2nd year in a row! It is like having a party for myself but not having to pay for any of it! I get to plan, plan, plan right down to the tiniest detail. I LOVE it.

Food, Centerpieces, theme, decorations, music - it is mine all mine to coordinate! This is one of the biggest social events of the year here in my teeny, tiny town. Well right after High School Football, but that's a whole 'nother post.

It is in November - and we start meeting this week! I am so damn excited. Of all the volunteer work I do - this is by far my favorite project.

Of course last year - I had a mini breakdown(it involved crying and walking out of a meeting) right before the event. Then I had to take a mental health day after the event to recuperate. But 7 months later and I seem to have forgotten all of the bad parts of doing this and all I can remember is how much fun it was to plan!

As details of the party emerge I will share - and this year I will remember my digi cam so I can share pics of my fabulous event!

Gotta Go - I have about a million and 1 To Do lists to make before my first meeting.

Monday, June 13, 2005

Baboon Ass

So Arlene stayed well West of us. All it did was dump lots of rain on us this weekend. It did prompt Mark and I to get off our butts and finish shopping for our Hurricane Supplies. We now have tons of batteries, flashlights, water, etc. If any big storms come our way again this year we are much better prepared.

The weekend was wet and yucky - so we didn't do much but hang around the house. I had to work at a Business Expo for a few hours on Saturday. The highlight of that was that they were doing a Wing Cook-Off at the same time. Yum. Wings.

Actually we did a lot of eating this weekend. Thank the gods I am using the treadmill again!

One of my dogs, Abbey has bad allergies to fleas. Of course we are at the height of flea season here in FL. She gets one flea bite and ends up with hot spots(spots she pulls all of here hair out of). Currently her hot spots are covering her butt. Poor dog has pulled all of the hair out on her butt, back of her legs and the bottom side of her tail. Mark says it looks like a Baboon's Ass! Opie and Abbey are very excited that Minou has finally shared her cookie recipes. It looks like I will be baking tonight.

Thursday, June 09, 2005

Weather Obsession

I live in FL. So it is that time of year(aka Hurricane Season) when I start obsessing over the weather. I will watch the 8am, Noon, 5pm and 10pm weather EVERY DAY until Hurricane Season is over.

I never used to worry about Hurricanes(I live inland) until last year. Now I watch so much weather that I have a crush on the weather guy. Check him out - he is hot! He is incredibly tall!

Oh - back to what I was saying. Inland - never worried much - worry lots now. Last year Hurricanes defied all inland probabilities of being hit and we got hit multiple times. One of those times left me without power for 10 freakin days. 10 days - no power - I was a nasty person(disposition and smell factor). I actually looked forward to coming to work during that time - because work had power.

Oh - Did I mention - that my Boyfriend was out of town during those 10 days with no power? He takes a 2 week trip to Canada every year DURING THE HEIGHT OF HURRICANE SEASON. Bastard. At least he was kind enough o teach me how to use the generator before he left.

So we are a few days into Hurricane Season - we are in the middle of Hurricane Supply shopping(should be done but I am a big procrastinator) - and the first Tropical Storm(aka could potentially become a hurricane) is brewing already! Crap.

So now on top of just watching the weather 50 times a day - I will add in obsessively refreshing the NOAA Website. I will not relax until this storm is barreling into New Orleans - and well clear of me.

Ya'll better get used to my weather rants - Hurricane season does not end until sometime in November.

Catch ya'll later - it is time for NOAA to post another update.

Wednesday, June 08, 2005

New & Improved

Sorry ya'll. I have been seriously slow on the posting lately. Busy, busy. Promise to try harder.

Mmmmm. Tasty.
I was grocery shopping last night and needed to pick up some dog food. Abbey and Opie are on a diet, they have gotten kind of chunky lately. I noticed a bag of dog food that said "New and Improved Taste". How do they know it tastes better. I mean really. Is there someone out there who taste tests dog food?

Dog Food Company: Today we will be tasting Chicken and Rice Flavored Dry Dog Food.

Taste Tester: Woohoo. My favorite. Crunch. Crunch. Wow. This one tastes way better than the current one!

I actually stood there in the grocery store laughing out loud at the scene playing in my head. I wonder if they get a glass of dog food gravy to wash it down with.

I'll do it for $20
Typing that just made me think about our friends 30th Bday Party last year.

We have a friend who will do anything for money. I think we all have "that friend" in our social group. These bets always occur after large amounts of alcohol have been consumed.

We were all standing in the kitchen admiring the "Naked Lady" Cake. Some of that cake ended up on the floor and before you know it he was bet money to eat it off the floor. Which he promptly did.

Being the mature bunch that we are people started dropping various things on the floor to see if he would eat them. And of course he did, washing what ever he ate down with more beer.

It was only a matter of time before someone noticed the bowl of dry cat food on the floor. It all ended very badly. Apparently cat food and beer don't go well together. And the sad part - he forgot to collect the $20 for eating it.